Alphonse is a doctor. I like doctors.

The technical challenges of carrying on a relationship with Alphonse are numerous. Like, too many to count. They’re not my challenges, they’re his, and one of them is that his place of business is not a suitable location for shenanigans.

One of the reasons I love him is because he’s creative. Over, under, around; where there’s a will, there’s a way, and he’ll find it.

He’s also winning above the rest because he’s considerate, consistent and thoughtful. He buys me presents on holidays. He asks for exclusivity. I like all that. It makes me feel wanted. At a time when I am often feeling neglected and sorry for myself, a man with these qualities who can also fix things and run the business has my full attention.

We use automobiles to solve the problem of venue. It’s a temporary fix but it’s working for now. Today we met at the usual spot and he came in what I could only describe as a child-molester ride with curtains and a Journey CD stuck in the stereo.

“Separate Ways” was playing when I got in and I told him that that was the best Journey song, by far.

The van was rough but it was still a van and it had a huge back seat, which we put to good use. It was the first time we’ve been able to fuck without being in weird contorted positions in the back seat of my car.

There was an exhaust pipe on the floor inside the van.

“Doesn’t the muffler go on the outside?”, I asked.

He laughed a little.

“Is that why they brought it in? To get the muffler put on the outside?”

He was already tired of my joke, or maybe he wanted me to stop talking so he could put his cock in my mouth. Probably both.

“If the house is a rockin’, don’t bother knocking’.” That song was not playing, sadly, due to the journey CD being stuck and all, but it should’ve been. I kept imagining someone out for a walk, coming up on a van that could easily be featured on suspiciousvans.com. It’s rocking back and forth and I’m making way too much noise – as usual. Does the walker keep walking, stop and listen, call the police, shoot video and send it to their BFF? So many choices..

The whole experience was insanely hot, and scandalous, and also deeply nice and right at the same time. I always knew that this was not a casual flirtation. There’s a deeper connection and I really like that.

But then things went sideways.

It was time to go. We were both expected to be at a gathering of our friends, and the van wouldn’t start because the battery was dead. Can’t call for help because we’re most definitely NOT supposed to be where we are. You see the problem.

For a lot of people, this would’ve ended badly, but not for us.

The doctor is in and the OCD car lady obviously has jumper cables in the trunk.

Problem solved, right?

No. After several minutes of charging, the van still won’t start.

Fuckity, fuck fuck, motherfucker, fuck….!

Alphonse, calm as can be, says “Turn on your headlights, crank up the AC and rev the engine to 2000rpm. Keep it up for a few minutes.”

I did and by golly, the doctor is a god damned genius. It worked!

The van roared back to life. We made it to our social engagement and our friends were none-the-wiser.

I have no idea who actually owns that van.

When we first got together, Alphonse kept asking, “why me?” He seemed confused as to why I would be in to him. Some of the reasons I told him were, “Because you’re all the things I love. You’re unflappable. You’re smart and capable. I mean, why wouldn’t I like you?”

Today he proved me right.