Raising My Price

It’s not always about money

2025 was an incredibly challenging year for me.

Right out the gate my best friend, Monique, dies of MS. At exactly the same time, things with Jared spin dangerously out of control, forcing me to step away from him temporarily. But we weren’t done, fate had other ideas. I got really sick and then rolled an ankle walking down stairs and became grievously injured. The wizard might be broken and crazy but he’s still a wizard. Aside from that, I promised I would not abandon him. I went back to Jared.

Also at the same time, my husband was in school and working full time which meant he was gone from the house seven days a week and several of those days Xavier was gone more than 12 hours. The long term effect of this was complete and total overwhelm for me. Still running my business but with no help with anything regarding the house, dogs or yard. I am a barely functional adult (no joke). I can’t live by myself, which is why I marry a caretaker but now he’s not care-taking and the problems are piling up.

Sometime in the fall, Xavier lost his job but qualified for almost a year of unemployment. That gave him more time but significantly less money, creating a new problem. I had been accustomed to paying half the bills and now I’m paying almost all of them. This school thing had better work out.

Spread too thin and feeling highly triggered, I was reaching my own breaking point with it all. It was time for a “Come to Jesus”, what the fuck am I doing?, self-evaluation. One thing I had to acknowledge was how much time and energy I was investing into people who did not appreciate or reciprocate my efforts. There were jobs and projects and “friendships” that had to go. I owed it to myself to be a better gatekeeper and so I decided some things.

First and foremost, anyone who reveals themselves to have an abusive personality is immediately fired from whatever position they occupied in my life. No exceptions.

Next up, jobs that do not support my long term goals are on the chopping block. No more website builds, no more marketing clients. My photography studio has to come first, no exceptions.

Lastly, relationships that aren’t making me happy need to end. I bring a lot to the table of any situation. My time, wisdom and skills are valuable. Access to me, especially intimate access, is not free. I have to start asking, what have you done for me lately? And if the answer to that is treating me carelessly, acting out of complete self absorption and lack of consideration, and leaving the burden of continuation to me while thinking I’m always available at their convenience – well, this is a situation that has to stop. I can’t and won’t continue with anyone who constantly leaves me with hurt feelings.

Like I said, access to me is not free and the price is not always about money. Ultimately the price is attention, effort, prioritization and thoughtfulness. When the going gets tough, I show up for the people who show up for me.